Shruncan
by PS2wizard
Summary: This is the story of punk ogre who is about to get his life changed a an annoying donkey, a princess, and other fairy tale creatures. A parody of Dreamworks "Shrek". An important message to all DuncanxCourtney fans and DuncanxGwen fans!
1. Chapter 1

Prologue

The scene begins with a rustic, old-time cabin. Then a little creature pops out.

Rumpelstiltchris: Welcome fairy tales lovers! I'm RumpelstiltChris Mclean. That's right from that story and owner of GrimBros Industry and Mirrorbook. Ever since my autobiography, I've been writing stories on all scandals with witches, princesses, and etc. Using Mirrorbook, I got the characters to admit their inner thoughts without them knowing. Now I'm releasing my newest story about a cruel king, a beautiful princess, and an unlikely hero. But for now I'll just show you this story about an ogre. That's right. An ogre. You're about to see it right now Rumpel. Stiltchris's. SHRUNCAN.

Sorry this short but yeah. It may be a wahile for me to update but during that time you can help with the story. I need help getting a cast and I need you to determine which TDI character should be who. Duncan, Harold, DJ, Noah, Cody, Geoff, Bridgette, Leshawna, and Chef have already been cast. Now I need you readers to help by voting for who you want to be who. Every post I'll tell when a character gets a part. Happy voting.

Current cast:

Shruncan:Duncan (duh)

Rumpelstiltchris: Chris Mclean

Lord Farqnoah: Noah

Donkey: Harold (Thinking of changing his name to "Darold")

DGingybreadman; DJ

Theloni-chef: Chef

The rest are either a secret or undecided. Right now I need your votes to help me decide who should be Fiona: Gwen or Courtney

Courtney: nickname is princess, loves to sing, knows karate, more princessy.

Gwen: friendlier with the castmates, likes Duncan for who he is, also pretty good in a fight, more tomboy.

Just let me know which one and if you can think of another reason why one of these girls should be Fiona let me know. Until then, keep voting.


	2. An Odd Couple

Shruncan

Rumpelstiltchris: It's a beautiful day in the swamp. The dragon flies are buzzing, the wind is blissfully blowing the reeds, and nothing can possibly… (Sniff) OH MY GOD! What is that smell? My nose is burning.

The camera moves to reveal an outhouse in front of the reeds. A flushing sound can be heard and someone comes out.

Rumpelstiltchris: So much for a peaceful opening.

The screen changes to the inside of the outhouse. There's an ogre with a dirty shirt, brown pants, a green Mohawk, and some piercings.

Shruncan: Hey, I'm Shruncan. I just joined Mirrorbook. By the way, I am an ogre and I am not tiny! I don't know why I'm named Shruncan . Do these look shrunk? ( He shows his biceps). Ask my no-good parents, Shmike and Shminda why. I joined Mirrorbook to give you all a warning. I don't like you. And if I ever catch you in my swamp you are going to get. By the way whoever's been leaving their trash around. Knock it off or you're gonna get trashed.

Shruncan shows the flier to the camera. It reads "Fairy Tale Creatures Wanted".

The camera buzzes and shows a line of people with fairies and witches on leashes and chains with dwarfs in the background. In line there is an old woman with a donkey on a leash.

Knight: NEXT!

The old woman walks forward.

Camera buzzes to a hut.

Donkey: Hey everyone. I'm Donkey. I know what you're thinking and yes my parents weren't very good at names... or talking, but I am. Only because my first owner was a wizard in training and used me as a practice dummy. But about 98.73% donkeys can't talk either. One percent of them are mules and the other.27% are turned into frogs or just half of them are left. I my last friend left me here with his grandma to keep her company. Too bad, I was almost done telling him about how fast a pixie's wing beats per second.

Camera buzzes to old lady.

Old Woman: (Sarcastically) Very funny Andrew. Very funny. Worst birthday present ever.

Camera buzzes back to Old Woman.

Knight: What do you have?

Old Woman: I have here a talking donkey. Who knows tons of smart stuff.

Knight: How can you tell?

Old Woman: He's wearing glasses like a nerd.

Knight: OK (writing down) Near… Sighted… Donkey. How do you now he talks?

Old Woman: Just watch. C'mon. C'mon talk.

Silence. Then a cricket starts chirping.

Pinocchio: Hey, Jiminy help!

Jimminy: Sorry kid. I can't do everything for you.

Old Woman: Oh come on. You were blabbering on last night about trees last night. Yet when I finally ask you to talk, you shut up.

Knight: I'm sorry but we can't take him. GUARDS!

Old Woman: No wait! Uhhhh. You could still use him for donkey meat.

Knight: (Thinking about it) Hmmmmm.

Donkey: Linda! How could you!

Old Woman: Aha!

Donkey: Uh-oh.

Suddenly the donkey kicks the old woman and runs off into the forest.

Knight: After him! We can still serve him to the prisoners.

Prisoners: HEY!

Donkey is running for his life from guards.

Donkey: First trying to be sold by an old lady, now running for my life. What else could go wrong?

Before he could answer himself, he ran into something hard.

Donkey: (thinking) Now I hit a boulder. Wait, is it hissing?

Before he could answer again he felt himself be grabbed and came face to face with an ogre with a can of spray paint.

Shruncan: Grrrrrrrr.

Donkey: (Gulp)

Suddenly the guards finally catch up. Shruncan stares at them.

Guard 1: You there, giant creature. Hand over the donkey.

Shruncan: Oh, this is your donkey?

Guard 2: Yes, now give it to us or we will use force.

After hearing this he puts the donkey down.

Shruncan: (Grinning) So you're saying that you want me to give it to you?

Guard 2: YES!

BAM! Shruncan uppercuts the second guard straight into the air, which then disappears from sight.

Shruncan: Hey, he wanted me to give it to him. Do you want some too?

The other guard trembles and then runs away screaming.

Shruncan: And don't come back!

Then Shruncan suddenly hears shallow breathing and looks down. He then sees that the dude forgot the donkey.

Donkey: You. Just. Saved. My. Life.

Shruncan: Yeah, now go away.

Donkey: How high do you think he went? Depending on how hard you hit him, his weight, and wind velocity. Can I feel your muscle to determine?

Shruncan then stops and roars at Donkey stops.

Donkey: (pulls something out) Tic-tac?

Shruncan: What? NO! Get away from me.

Shruncan starts to leave but Donkey follows.

Donkey: Are you kidding? They'd kill me. But I know you wouldn't. Besides they might follow me here. Hey is this your house?

Suddenly Donkey and Shruncan come to his house.

Donkey: Can I come in?

Shruncan: NO! You can stay here for one night and that's it. And you can't come inside. Got it?

Donkey: Got it.

Buzzes to outhouse

Shruncan: Look the only reason I'm letting that twerp stay here is so that those guards think that I killed him. Plus, hey I might find a use for him. Or ditch him for dead in the swamp.

Buzzes to Donkey.

Donkey: Shruncan is the best. He's the only person I know who would beat someone up to save me. I feel like I trust him.

Later that night, Shruncan comes out and finds tons of fairy tale creatures outside.

Shruncan: (Angrily) DOOOOOOONKEEEEEEEEEEEEY !

Donkey: Yeah?

Shruncan: What the heck are all these fairy tale creatures doing here?

Donkey: I don't know. I was here the whole time. Now can I move?

Shruncan: Sure. Now what are you doing in my swamp?

Fairy: Lord Farqnoah sent us here. He's rounding up all the fairy tale creatures and arresting them.

Shruncan looks around at all the creatures.

Shruncan: All right everybody. It seems what Farqnoah has done is cruel, evil, and unforgiving. Someone needs to do something. That someone is me. I am going to go march over to him right now and give him a piece of my mind.

Creatures: YAAAAAAAAAAAY!

Shruncan: Now who knows where he lives.

No one responds except Donkey.

Shruncan: (Groan) alright come on.

Camera buzzes to outhouse

Shruncan: Yep, I meant every word out there. What he did was messed up. Dumping all those fairy tale creatures on me is not cool. He is going down.

As Shruncan and Donkey leave the creatures cheer.

Shruncan: I have two things to tell you. One, no talking unless its important. Two, Who the heck is Farqnoah?

The Screen zooms out to Rumpelstiltchris's house/

Rumpelstiltchris: OOOOOOOhhhh. Spicy. What will happen to Shruncen and Donkey? Will Shruncen ever get rid of those fairy tale creatures? Who is Farqnoah? An when will the second guard ever come down? Find out next time on Grimbros. Presents. SHRUNCAN!

That's it for part one, I will be working on part two but it may take awhile.


	3. Meet the Diminuative Ruler of Duloc

Meet the Diminutive Ruler of Duloc

Deep under Duloc in the dungeons, the sounds of a prisoner being tortured are heard.

?: Tell me where the others are!

?: NEVER!

?:Alright! You've left me with no choice.

Suddenly, the giant executioner-mask wearing thug known as Theloni-chef enters.

Theloni-chef: Uh sir?

?: Not now!

Theloni-chef: Uh sir?

?: In a minute!

Theloni-chef: Sir? Aren't you a little bit old to be playing with your food?

Lord Farqnoah turns around holding a little gingerbread man with its head in a glass of milk.

Lord Farqnoah is slightly shorter then his henchmen wearing a red king costume and red hat.

Farqnoah: NO! Besides I'm trying to torture this prisoner.

The cookie raises his head out of the milk and gasps for air.

DJingingerbreadman: (Gasp) and he's doing a good job at it.

Theloni-chef: AAAHHHHH! Oh right, I forgot he was the talking cookie.

the screen buzzes to a new screen.

Theloni-chef: Ugh yeah, I'm Theloni-chef. I just joined two weeks ago because I have a lot of free time on my hands

Prisoner: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

Theloni-chef: Hey keep it down. Don't you have any manners. Anyway, I'm a single prison guard with free time in between torturing prisoners and listening to Farqnoah's ranting. Still, a jobs a job. Yeah someone told me about Mirrorbook and I thought what the hey.

Screen buzzes to Farqnoah.

Farqnoah: Hello loyal subjects. It is I, Lord Farqnoah. You may weep in joy. (Cricket chirps) SOMEONE THROW THAT CRICKET IN THE DUNGEON.

Jimminy: (off screen) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Farqnoah:Yeah so I joined so that there is no reason to fear me and that I am just like you. Also, I'm co-creator and am making all of you and my guards to join to make sure no one puts anything negative about me on here.

Screen buzzes back to Farqnoah and Theloni-chef.

Farqnoah: Where were you? Torturing the prisoners is your job!

DJingie: And your job is to sit around, throw people in dungeons, and yell at him to do his job.

Farqnoah: Shut it cookie or you're going to be tonight's dessert.

Thelonichef: I hate to interrupt, but your mirror is here.

Farqnoah: Finally.

Farqnoah throws DJingie onto a cookie platter and leaves the room.

Thelonichef: (Talking to DJingie) Better finish what Farqnoah was doing. He was dunking right? Heh heh heh.

Screen buzzes to an empty shelf. Grunting can be heard and little hand can be seen.

DJingie: (Pulls up onto the shelf, panting) I'm free! Hey Farqnoah left this on. Yo, this is DJingie live from Farqnoah's dungeon. For everyone whose watching this, I just want to say... FARQNOAH IS CRAZY! He's capturing all the fairytale creatures, locking them in dungeons, and torturing them fore information. I only got out because all the milk dunking softened me enough to slip out of my shackles. Anyone out there, DO SOMETHING! (footsteps) UH-oh.

DJingie goes limp. A whistling guards walks by.

Guard: Hey! A cookie. (Looking around) I better just have a leg.

The screen buzzes before we can see the guard rip the leg off. Now Farqnoah is seen pushing in a big mirror. Farqnoah then pulls the sheet off to see a big face in the mirror.

Magic Mirror: Greeting o' tiny one. I am the magic mirror! Host of the Mirrorette and A-mirror-can Id-.

Before he can finish, Farqnoah turns the mirror. Then turns the mirror back on.

Magic Mirror: Hey man.

Farqnoah: The name is Farqnoah, not man. And you're mine now, so start answering my questions.

Magic Mirror: Okay, sheesh.

Farqnoah: Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the smartest king of them all?

Magic Mirror: Not you.

Guards: (snicker)

Farqnoah: Okay, fair enough. Who is the hottest king of them all?

Magic Mirror: When he gets married, Prince Charming.

Prisoners: (giggle)

Farqnoah: Grrrrr, okay then who-

2 hours later

Magic Mirror: You are not even close.

Prisoners, Guards, and Theloni-chef: HAHAHAHHAHA !

Farqnoah: ALRIGHT, THAT IS IT! You better be changing those answers to me or else.

Magic Mirror: Or else what?

Farqnoah: I'll make Theloni-chef break you.

Magic Mirror: Fine, then he'll get 7 years bad luck.

Theloni-chef looks scared.

Screen buzzes to Theloni-chef

Theloni-chef: I'm not taking my chances. With wizards and pixies flying around, I really don't want bad luck. It might actually happen.

The Screen buzzes back to Farqnoah

Farqnoah: Okay, then I'll use this remote to mess the screen and change your hair color.

Magic Mirror: NOOOOOOOOOOO! Wait, I really can't change my answer to please you.

Farqnoah: Why not!

Magic Mirror: One, it still wouldn't be you and two, you're not a king. A king needs to be married to a princess.

Farqnoah: I'll ignore the first part and won't make Theloni-chef leave smudge and scratch marks on you if you can tell me where I can find a princess.

Magic Mirror: The first princess is lovely girl who lives with 2 evil stepsisters and a stepmother, hobbies include cleaning, cooking, and going to balls, and travels via Pumpkin, introducing... Cinderella.

Silhouette shows Cinderella.

Farqnoah: Yeah, I'm not so sure I want to be riding in a pumpkin. Plus I don't have time for balls. What else you got?

Magic Mirror: Our next princess is described as the fairest of them all, loves to sing and work with animals, lives with 7 dwarfs, and all you need to do is kiss her to wake her from her sleep. Please welcome, Snow White.

Second silhoutte shows Snow white in a glass coffin.

Farqnoah: Not bad, but no. Mainly I don't want to kiss a dead girl or let her bring 7 midgets into my castle. Anything else?

Magic Mirror: Tough crowd. Alright your cynicalness. Our last girl is one who isn't too picky, is waiting for the man of her dreams, and all you need to is rescue her from a castle surrounding lava and is guarded from a giant dragon. Here is Fiona.

Silhoutte 3 shows Fiona.

Farqnoah: Tempting, do I have to rescue her my self?

Magic Mirror: Well all these girls you have to do yourself, but if you want to be laz- I mean safe just send someone for Fiona.

Farqnoah: Done! Theloni-chef, get our best men. We're going to have a tournament.

Prisoners: Can we come?

Farqnoah: NO!

The camera zooms out to show control room with a mirror and camera in Rumpelstiltchris's house.

Rumpelstiltchris: (Turning off camera) Yeah I have two-part job as Magic Mirror. (Snicker) Though he doesn't know that. Or the one thing I forgot to mention about Fiona. Oh well. Who will Farqnoah choose to go on this quest? Where is Shruncan and Donkey? When am going to shut up? Find out next time on Grimbros. Presents. SHRUNCAN.

Happy holidays and there should be a new poll on my profile, go see it and Happy New Year


	4. The Quest

Donkey: Are we there yet?

Shruncan: No.

Donkey: Are we there yet?

Shruncan:No!

Donkey: Are we there yet?

Shruncan:NOO! You're the one leading the way. Does it look like we are here?

Donkey:Yes actually.

Shruncan turns around to see a huge castle and parking lot. Shruncan and Donkey start to walk to the entrance. There is a line of people waiting for a ticket who are running in fear.

Shruncan: That was easy.

Ticket Guy: NEXT! (Looks up) Nice costume. But we're not giving out discounts.

Shruncan: COSTUME! Uh, sure why not?

Donkey: Come on Shruncan, show him whose boss.

Ticket Guy: Is that a magical talking donkey?

Shruncan: Uh, no. Just a recording toy.

Shruncan hits Donkey.

Donkey: OW! I mean, is this thing on? Is this thing on?

Shruncan: See, now where's Farqnoah? I got a complaint.

Ticket Guy: Let me guess, the toy won't stop talking?

Shruncan: (Acting) Sure. All he does is talk and talk and talk. No matter what I do he won't shut up. I thought it would be a cool decoration but it stinks.

Ticket Guy: Well he does sound annoying. Alright, just go right in, get a refund, and get out.

Shruncan: Thanks.

Shruncan picks up Donkey and goes through the turnstile.

Donkey: Nice lie Shruncan. Saying that I'm an annoying donkey toy.

Shruncan: Well, you're not one of those things.

Donkey: Can we stop at the gift shop? I want to see if they have any new comical stories.

Shruncan: (Grinning) Sure.

Screen buzzes to photo booth.

Donkey: This is great. I get a new friend, get to go to Duloc, and maybe I can go to the Magic store. All these cards I thought were magical do nothing. Shruncan may be the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Screen buzzes to Shruncan.

Shruncan: Maybe getting a free refund isn't such a bad idea.

Screen buzzes back to coliseum. The audience is cheering. On the balcony, Farqnoah is waves to the people.

Farqnoah: (Whispers to Theloni-chef) So, how do we decide?

Theloni-chef: (whispers) I thought you knew?

Farqnoah: Oh cr-

Magic Mirror: -erhaps I can be of help?

Farqnoah: AHH! I though I left you in the dungeon.

Magic Mirror: Yes, and then you moved me to your room so I can li- I mean compliment you.

Farqnoah: Oh right. Any way, how can you help?

Magic Mirror: I have a few ideas. (snickers, then whispers to Farqnoah)

Farqnoah: Loyal subjects! It is time to start the challenge! Warriors! Get ready to SING!

Everyone: HUH?

Screen flashes to Farqnoah's room.

Farqnoah: Okay, I was skeptical at first, but on the other hand, he did say he hosted other challenges. What could go wrong?

7 hours later.

Everyone, Mirror, Warriors, Theloni-chef, Farqnoah: ZZZZZZZZZZZZ .

Farqnoah: (Awakes) AHH! Did we choose a warrior?

Theloni-chef: No, be we found our Duloc Idol, Biggest Loser, Winner of Total Drama Duloc, and Foil Chef.

Farqnoah: Hey, Mirror. You said you had ideas to find me a warrior. NOTHINGS HAPPENED!

Magic Mirror: (yawns) Huh, oh right. I said I had ideas for contests. You never said what they were for and I am all out.

Farqnoah: (sarcastically) Great. Now what am I going to do.

The door to the colliseum slam open, waking everyone up.

Shruncan: I suggest you get yourself ready for a butt whooping!

Farqnoah and everyone turns around to see Shruncan and Donkey.

Theloni-chef: Ew! What is that?

Farqnoah: (Smiling) Our new challenge. Alright everyone! Whoever slays the beast is our champion.

Audience and Warriors: FINALLY!

Shruncan and Donkey: Uh-Oh.

The warriors run straight for Shruncan.

Shruncan: WAIT!

The warrior all stop in front of him. Shruncan then breathes on them and they all get woozy. Shruncan then pushes the first one down and they topple like dominoes. However more soldiers circle Shruncan and Donkey. Then Donkey pulls out a tape measure and measures the knights. He then makes his calculations and whispers something to Shruncan. Shruncan nods and punches all the knights softly in the same spot.

Knights: (looking down) HAHAHAHAHAH!

Then their armor falls apart. Upon realizing, they run in fear. The crowd is cheering and Shruncan is encouraging them.

Donkey: Look out!

Shruncan: Huh?

Swoosh.

As Shruncan turns around a knight hits Shruncan in the gut with his sword. And it stays there, with a red stain starts coming on Shruncan's shirt.

Shruncan: (Growing angrier) You did not just do that.

As Shruncan walks closer and closer panting with every step, the knight starts shaking in fear.

Knight: (Removes helmet) I FORFEIT!

He runs away leaving his helmet. Shruncan removes the sword and Donkey faints.

Audience: YAAAAAAAY!

Farqnoah:( Slow clapping) Bravo. What? Did you want a medal?

Shruncan: Actually,I want my swamp back. The one you dumped those fairy tale things in.

Farqnoah: (Thinking) Hmmmm. Alright, I'll make you a deal. You can have your swamp back if, you go on a quest to save a princess. If you do, the swamp is yours. No one will every bother you again. Do we have a deal?

Shruncan: WHAT?

Farqnoah pulls a lever and lowers the balcony.

Farqnoah: NOW?

Shruncan shakes his head.

Farqnoah lowers the balcony again.

Farqnoah: NOW!

Shruncan: Almost.

Farqnoah angrily lowers the balcony so he and Shruncan are at eye level.

Farqnoah: DO WE HAVE-

Shruncan then pantses Farqnoah and swipes the map from Theloni-chef.

Shruncan: Sure.

As Farqnoah is frozen and blinded by rage, Shruncan picksup the sword, helmet, and Donkey and leaves the castle. He throws the still unconsious Donkey into the sunflower field. About half a day later, Shruncan graffities a tree and tries to find out where he is on the map.

Shruncan: Let's see, over the river, through the woods, past the gingerbread house. I can't tell where I am.

?: You're right here

Shruncan: Thanks. AHHHH!

Shruncan turns to see Donkey.

Shruncan: How the heck did you find me? More importantly, why did you try to find me?

Donkey: Well we are friends and I did say I would help you get our swamp back.

Shruncan: Friends? Our swamp!

Donkey: And I came to look for you because you still have the giant stab in your chest. I followed your trail of grafittee and blood stains.

Shruncan: (Sees the stain) Huh? Oh, that.

He takes his finger, touches the mess, and licks it.

Donkey: I think I'm going to be sick.

Shruncan lifts his shirt and tons of red spray paint and stolen merchandise fall out of his shirt, revealing that Shruncan is actually thinner then he looks. Donkey sees 2 spray cans dripping.

Donkey: OH. The knight hit your spray paint.

Shruncan: And other "borrowed" stuff from the gift shop.

Donkey: I thought you looked bigger, but why did you lick it?

Shruncan: That's because it's my special edible spray paint.

He spays some into Donkey's mouth.

Shruncan: Yeah, you learn a lot in the swamp. All I did was just crush some apples, cherries, watermelons...

Donkey: Yum.

Shruncan: ... Tomatoes, ketchup, red tree bark, and the guts of red, crushed bugs.

Donkey: Yuck.

Shruncan: And it's our food supply, so get used to it.

Donkey: I'm getting sick.

Shruncan: Well, enjoy the walk.

One trek later.

Donkey: Gross. What's the smell.

Shruncan:(Sniff) Brimstone.

Donkey then faints. Shruncan rolls his eyes, puts on the armor, and climbs up while dragging Donkey by the tail. When he gets to the top he accidently bumps Donkey's head.

Donkey: Ouch. Watch where you're swinging me.

Shruncan: Sorry. Hey, wait a minute. You're supposed to be knocked out.

Donkey: And you were supposed to bring food.

Shruncan and Donkey stop fighting and look at the castle, the lava pit, and rickety bridge.

Donkey: There's no way we can cross that unstable bridge. I think we should forget the princess and start a new. Like as football players.

Shruncan: (Grinning) Okay, lets start the kick-off.

Shruncan then boots Donkey straight up in the air. He runs straight across the bridge and catches Donkey on the other side.

Donkey: I hate you right now.

Shruncan: The feeling is mutual. Now you wait here and I'll rescue the princess.

Donkey: No way, there might be a dragon. Almost all castle's with princesses have dragons. The rest have og- er I mean oatmeal.

Shruncan: Okay I'll look for the princess, and you look for the oatmeal. You're the one who said you were hungry.

Donkey: Fine.

Screen buzzes to old room.

Shruncan: Princess? I can't believe it! Hey Donkey. I can't believe that even this old place has one of these. Probably because miss princess likes to look good.

Screen buzzes to Donkey.

Donkey: Wow. Perfect condition. Probably used for knights as a death journal. (Gulp)

Screen buzzes to Donkey.

Donkey: Man, where is the bathroom in this place. Let's see. (opens door to reveal treasure) Treasure room. (closes door and opens another door with nothing in it) Spare room. (closes and opens a door to a land covered in snow with a lamppost out there).

Faun: You got to help us! The white witch has taken over and only Aslan and-

Donkey: (slams door) Useless room. Man where's the bathroom?

A giant claw points to the left.

Donkey: Thanks.

As Donkey walks past a window and enters the bathroom, a giant eye looks through the hallway window.

The screen buzzes back to Shruncan.

Shruncan: Lets see where the princess is.

As Shruncan opens the door, oatmeal poars out of the room.

Shruncan:(closes door and opens another one)

Waldo can be seen placing shoes and glasses and waves to Shruncan.

Shruncan: (Closes door) Man, where is-

Shruncan notices the tower.

Shruncan: That was easy. Now where is-

Shruncan gets whacked into the air by a giant tail and is flying towards the tower. Donkey is running for his life by a dragon. He enters a long walkway, but the ends crumble and the dragon lands in front of him with smoke billowing from the dragon's mouth.

Donkey: AHHH!

The screen moves back to Rumpelstiltchris's house.

Rumpelstiltchris: Sorry, we are out of time. What will happen next? Will Donkey survive? Who is Fiona? And is Shruncan's edible spray paint a good idea? Find out next time on Grimbros. Presents. SHRUNCAN.

Like the suspense? Well unfortunately, I'm stopping for now until I know more than 5 people like this. If the poll on my profile keeps rising to a certain number, then I'll continue. So tell your friends, enemies, or whatever to vote now for who should be Fiona and keep the comments posting for anyone else. I need to know who should be Robin Hood next. Bye.


	5. Big and Loud

And now for what you've been waiting for...

Shruncan crashes right into a tower leaving a big hole.

Shruncan: Ow.

BONK.

Shruncan: What was that?

He turns around to see the princess in her bed.

Shruncan: uh-oh. She's dead.

Fiona:(Murmur).

Shruncan: Never mind. Alright wake up. WAKE UP!

The princess does nothing.

Shruncan: This may take awhile.

Meanwhile, Donkey is running for his life from a giant dragon. He dodges claw swipes and fire balls until he reaches a dead end on a walkway with both ends crumbled. Smoke fills the room and it is almost blinding. Suddenly the dragon's mouth can be seen growling.

Donkey: Please don't eat me. I don't even want the princess. Just Please!

Out of pity, some smoke clears and a door is seen.

Donkey: (GASP) Thank you, thank you, thank you so much Mr. Dragon.

Suddenly the dragon swallows Donkey whole. A kump can be seen in the throat showing Donkey.

Donkey: Was it something I said? Man there are a lot of rocks in here.

The lump can be seen moving around and falling rocks can be heard.

Dragon: (Cough cough) HACK!

The dragon spits out Donkey with a couple of other giant charcoal rocks.

Dragon: Good thing I could stand on those or I would have been dragon food.

As the Dragon keeps coughing the smoke starts to clear. The Dragon is a giant red dragon with shimmering scales and ruby lips.

Donkey: Is that lipstick?

Dragon: What? A girl can't look good? Also it ain't MR. Dragon. It's MS. Dragon. Ledragona to be exact you jerk.

Donkey: (Gasp) You're a girl dragon. My bad.

Ledragona: I was going to let you go for being such a pathetic little weakling. But with those "Mr" comments, I don't think so. Any last words?

Donkey: You have pretty eyes.

Ledragona: Excuse me?

Donkey: Your eyes are like 2 sparkling green gems. If it wasn't for all the smoke, I could totally tell you were a girl.

Ledragona: Are you trying to flatter me?

Donkey: Is it working?

Ledragona: Hardly, but then again not many live long enough to use it.

Donkey: Probably because you're big and loud.

Ledragona: WHAT!

Donkey: I mean, you so big and powerful it is intimidating and your roar can leave men frozen. Plus, they must be good for dancing and singing.

Ledragona: (Blushing) Oh stop.

Donkey: And your scales are such a sight that when they sparkle they blind people. Especially around your cheeks, or are you blushing?

Ledragona: Am I? (Faking) I mean because your attempt is so pathetic and embarassing, I'll let you live a little longer at least give you one last request. And don't say let me live.

She picks him up and places him near the door.

Donkey: Any chance you have something to drink. The lava heat and nearly getting eaten left me parched.

Ledragona: I think there may be something. Come on.

Screen buzzes to confessional.

Donkey: So I just got saved by using flattery. Cool. I hope I can keep her talking until Shruncan gets the princess.

The screen changes back to the princess's room. Shruncan is having a hard time getting the princess awake.

Shruncan: (Slapping and shaking the princess) WAKE UP YOU DUMB PRINCESS!

The screen buzzes back to the treasure room.

Donkey: WHOA! I really should have looked twice at this room.

Ledragona: Actually that's how most knights get killed.

Donkey: Oh. Big room, you must really impress people who stop by.

Ledragona: Not many stop by, only those who remember the princess, and people see my Mirrorbook page.

Screen changes to Ledragona in front of a mirror.

Ledragona: Yo! This is Ledragona in the house. Living big and smoking hot. This is a message to all my dragon girls out there. Holla!. Also this a message to all you men. You looking for a hottee. No not me, the princess I'm guarding, Fiona. She's single and if you think you got what it takes to get her, then try your best and lets see what you're made of.

Screen change back to Donkey

Donkey: Where did you get all this? Being a fashion model?

Ledragona: (Giggles) Oh you. Seriously, I did get this by being paid. They pay me to watch little miss hot stuff.

Donkey: Why would they pay you to guard the princess.

Ledragona: So she can find her true love or something. Lots of people do it. Pay a dragon to guard their little girl, wait a couple years til she's old enough to date, and then wait for a "prince charming" to save her. They use us to test the knights to see if he's good enough to protect their angel.

Donkey: I always wondered why dragons guard princesses. What's the princess like?

Ledragona: Fiona? Well she...

Screen changes to Shruncan, who is gaping for air and is exhausted.

Shruncan: How can she still asleep? (stomach rumbles) Wait a minute.

1 minute later

Outside of the room. A green cloud comes out and Shruncan is running out.

Shruncan: (Cough) My eyes! Still one of my best works. IS SHE STILL ASLEEP!

Screen flashes to treasure room.

Donkey: Really?

Ledragona: Yeah, but thats not the worst part. Oops, I wasn't supposed to mention that.

Donkey: I won't ask. I've learned from experience not to poke into people secrets. Well not too much. You ever think about quitting?

Ledragona: I can't. I have to wait for someone to save her or die of old age.

Donkey: Is there a difference? I mean either it seems that you either die naturally or be killed. Kinda unfair.

Ledragona: Life's unfair. When someone see's a dragon, it's just "kill it! kill it!" and that's it.

Donkey: Well maybe if they knew you they'd know you were a sweet, fun, girl. Why judge you because you're ... big.

Ledragona: You know for a pathetic, insignificant pack-mule, you're alright.

Donkey: And for a giant, fire-breathing, scary like heck lizard, you're alright too.

The two start to close their eyes and lean in for a kiss.

Shruncan: Got you!

Shruncan grabs Donkey, but ends up in getting smooched by Ledragona.

Shruncan: This is awkward.

Ledragona opens her eyes and is disgusted at what just happened.

Shruncan: Nice job distracting the dragon, ready to meet the princess?

Donkey: AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Shruncan: I'll take that as a yes.

The screen zooms out into Rumpelstilchris's house.

Rumpelstiltchris: Finally some action. Will Shruncan and Donkey escape with Fiona? Will we ever see Fiona? And what ever happened to that guard Shruncan punched in the First Chapter? Find out next time on Grimbros. Presents. SHRUNCAN!

Hope you enjoy this. Also, I'm not going to update until at least Jan. 21. With finals I need to study and give people more time to vote. Last chance people.


	6. Princess Fiona

And now for what you've been waiting for... FIONA!

The screen buzzes to Fiona in her room. Fiona is a teenaged, pale girl with blue and turqoise hair. She is wearing a green dress and crown with a metal bat on top.

Fiona: Hello, my name is Fiona. Some people say I look like a "Gwen" than a Fiona but that's what you get for having royal parents. This is my post to answer some frequently asked questions. First of all, I really am a princess. Second, the reason I'm here is because this is my parents think that putting me in here will make a perfect chance for me to meet my true love, but I think this is their way of punishment. I cut Reblainzel's hair one time while she slept as a prank and my parents ship me here. They said she has a fear of scissors now and won't ever cut her hair, but I think she's over reacting. I mean just look at here now. Another question I have gotten tons of times is why don't you escape? Well it's because there is a FREAKING DRAGON GUARDING THE PLACE! It's harder to escape than it looks. I also would like to answer how I've kept from going crazy. Well I got a lot of hobbies, day dreaming, and reading fairy tale books and educational books that my parents send every year. Last Christmas, I got an algebra book. At least I'm not one of those airhead princesses. This next question is frequently asked: why don't you like the dark? Um yeah the reason is ... that.. I'm afraid of it. Yeah, it brings back memories from this place. Actually, it would scare me if I ever get out of here! That's all for now, and for anyone watching, SOMEONE SAVE ME!

Screen buzzes to room.

Fiona: (Angrily) Why do I keep posting these stupid posts. I've been waiting for my "prince" to come for years, and all have been barbecued. I'm never getting out of here. And I think I'm talking to myself, I really need to get out of here, but when is that going to happen. Maybe next time I'll try being like a princess in these books. It's not like my hero is going to just fall out of the sky.

Shruncan:AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

CRASH!

A creature falls through her ceiling. When the dust clears, there is a man with a helmet and sword.

Shruncan: Ow.

Fiona: (Gasp) I can't believe it worked! Which one should I act like? Let's see if it works again. (Pretending) It's not like the answer will just fall out of the sky.

Just then, a loose brick falls and knocks Fiona unconscious.

BONK!

Shruncan: What was that?

He turns around to see the princess in her bed.

Shruncan: uh-oh. She's dead.

Fiona:(Murmur).

Shruncan: Never mind. Alright wake up. WAKE UP!

The princess does nothing.

Shruncan: This may take awhile. How should I wake her up? I got it!

He raises her up and starts slapping her and shaking her.

Shruncan: WAKE UP YOU DUMB PRINCESS! What else can I try?

The screen buzzes to Ledragona and Donkey.

Donkey: I always wondered why dragons guarded princesses. What's the princess like?

Ledragona: Fiona? Well she is alright for a princess. She got kind of complainy and whiny during the first yeat but you get used to it. It was cute her trying to escape when she was like 9. After awhile she got used to it here. She reads, eats, sleeps, and just uses her imagination in more than one way.. I think she spends too much time with those bats and junk. She even talks with me some times, when I'm not killing her "heroes". Though I think she rather spend times with bats than with a prince.

Donkey: Really?

Ledragona: Yeah, but that's not the worst part. Oops, I wasn't supposed to mention that.

The screen changes back to Shruncan.

Shruncan: Well, I'm out of ideas. Only one thing left to do.

He slowly moves toward her face, lifts his helmet, and ... starts drawing on her face with the spray paint. He starts to draw a mustache on her.

Fiona: *Murmur*

Shruncan: Finally, she wakes up.

Fiona: Why does my head hurt?

She then sees Shruncan.

Fiona: I can't believe someone got this far. I would like to say congratulations, to you Sir?

Shruncan:Shruncan, and sorry sweetie, but we're not out yet.

Fiona: Alright, lets go.

The screen changes to the two in the stair.

Fiona: I got to say, no one has ever gotten to my room before. How'd you beat the dragon?

Shruncan: Dragon? DONKEY!

Screen buzzes to confessional.

Shruncan: Just to make sure if Donkey blabbed, I only saved him because he knows the way home. If he could find me after being ditched in a corn field, then he can find our way home.

Screen buzzes back to Shruncan.

He looks in a hole and sees the treasure room.

Shruncan: I HIT THE JACKPOT! There's diamonds, and jewls, and ... a dragon about to eat Donkey?

Fiona: Do something!

Shruncan spots the chandelier and starts thinking of a plan. Once he has one, he starts sliding down the chain connected to the chandelier. As he reaches the bottom he grabs Donkey.

Shruncan: Got you!

Shruncan grabs Donkey, but ends up in getting smooched by Ledragona.

Shruncan: This is awkward.

Ledragona opens her eyes and is disgusted at what just happened.

Shruncan: Nice job distracting the dragon, ready to meet the princess?

Donkey: AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Shruncan: I'll take that as a yes. So long dragon.

He cuts one of the chains, but a second chandelier falls on him.

Shruncan: Wrong one.

Ledragona: You lied to me just to stall for your friend?

Shruncan: Thats the sum of it.

Shruncan this time grabs Donkey and chops the right chain. He grabs on as he and Donkey ride up while the correct chandelier lands on Ledragona, getting stuck on her neck.

Shruncan: RUN!

Rumpelstiltchris: Hold on, this chase is this is too hard to describe just imagine a Scooby-Doo chase scene.

Shruncan: Seriously man, that's just lazy.

Shaggy: Like run Scoob.

Donkey: That was weird. RUN!

As the gang runs to get to the bridge. the rope breaks and the bridge falls into the lava.

Shruncan: Well we're done for.

Ledragona uses her fire breathe to torch Shruncan as Fiona and Donkey jump out of the way.

Fiona and Donkey: SHRUNCAN!

As the smoke clears, Shruncan appears to be fine.

Shruncan: HOT!

Donkey: Why are you screaming? Your armor is okay.

TWEEEEEEET

Fiona: And what's that noise.

Shruncan lifts up his shirt and apparently all of his spray paint is boiling hot.

Screen buzzes to Donkey.

Donkey: When Shruncan got blasted by Ledragona's fire, he got protected by his armor and the hundred or so spray paint cans. However, the increased intake of heat made the cans both painful to touch but increased pressure in the cans. Translation: he was going to blow up.

Screen buzzes back to Shruncan.

Shruncan: Guys get over here.

He grabs ahold of Donkey and Fiona and uses his sword to cut off the bottom of the cans. The paint blows out so much it rockets so out like a jet pack. Before Ledragona could go after them, she got stopped by the chandelier.

Shruncan: WHOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOO!

Fiona: How do we land?

One very painful crash landing later.

Fiona: Ow. Are you okay?

Shruncan: Yeah, I landed on something soft.

He gets up and Donkey is underneath, squished.

Shruncan: Man I can barely see anything with this on.

Fiona: I would like to personally like to say to you dear knight that I- can't believe you're an ogre!

She finally sees Shruncan without his helmet.

Fiona: Yes, and see ya.

Shruncan: GET HER!

Fiona: (Offscreen) Let me go.

Back at Rumpelstiltchris's house.

Rumpelstiltchris: Looks like Shruncan has something new to deal with. How will Shruncan get Fiona back to the Farqnoah? Will Ledragona ever get out of her new "necklace"? Will I ever be tall enough to ride a roller coaster? Find out next time on Grimbros. Present. SHRUNCAN!

Thanks to all the voters who wanted for Gwen, and for those who wanted Coartney, there will be a special surprise at the the end of the series. Enjoy.


	7. Not So Fancy Fiona

Chapter 6 Who is Fiona?

Screen flashes to confessional.

Fiona can be seen close-up on a screen that is bouncing.

Fiona: Okay, this is the first time I ever got to use my portable mirror. So I got rescued, but by an ogre. At least Ledragona had more manners. Wait a minute. DID YOU DRAW A MUSTACHE ON ME!

Screen goes back to Shruncan.

After an hour of being carried by Shruncan, Fiona eventually gave up and got bored.

Donkey: Are we there yet?

Shruncan: No.

Donkey: Are we there yet?

Shruncan: NO!

Donkey: Are we there yet?

Shruncan: If you ask one more time, I am going to throw you over that cliff.

Silence.

Fiona: Are we there yet?

Shruncan: Grrrrr.

Fiona: (chuckle) Can we stop now?

Shruncan: No, we're going to keep going so just enjoy the sunset and-

Fiona: SUNSET! We have to stop now!

Shruncan: No way.

Fiona: But it's dangerous at night.

Shruncan: I'm more dangerous.

Fiona: I need my beauty sleep.

Shruncan: I think you got enough sleep at the castle.

Fiona: If we stop here, Donkey might stop asking if we're there yet.

Shruncan: Maybe we should stop for the night.

Screen buzzes to confessional.

Shruncan: Okay, so far that Fiona is starting to get on my nerves. I should have expected a princess to be this way. Bossy, controlling, hot. I mean hot-tempered. Yeah that's what I meant.

Screen changes to Donkey. He is trying to comb his hair and pick some gross stuff out of his teeth.

Donkey: Now I look good.

Screen buzzes to the cliff. Fiona is putting rocks together to build a hut.

Shruncan: Look, even in the outdoors she's trying to decorate.

Fiona: I'm building a room. Unlike you, I like my privacy.

Shruncan: Enjoy your rocks.

Fiona: Enjoy your farts.

The sun starts to set and the guys are sitting around the fire.

Donkey: What do you think is up there?

Shruncan: Stars you idiot.

Donkey: Yeah but do ever if there's anything else?

Shruncan: yeah, more stars.

Donkey: Never mind.

Shruncan: Well what do you think is up there?

Donkey: Aliens, other planets.

Shruncan: Nerd.

Donkey: Did you know that those stars are actually big balls of flaming gas.

Shruncan: So is this.

He farts near the fire place and it acts like a flame thrower.

Donkey: Ew, gross.

Shruncan: Do I get to name it?

Donkey: Let's stop talking about that. What do you think of the princess.

Shruncan: Kind of annoying. All she does is complain. "Let me go, you're gross, don't pick your ears" it's annoying.

Donkey: What are you going to do after she is delivered to Farqnoah?

Shruncan: Get my swamp back, build a wall around it, scare people, the usual.

Donkey: Why a wall?

Shruncan: To make sure that no one bothers me and judges me.

Donkey: What about your friends?

Shruncan: Don't worry, my friends will be there.

Donkey: Who are they.

Shruncan: Me, Myself, and I.

Donkey:Why don't you like people?

Shruncan: Because they think I'm a freak. One look at me and it's "AHHHHH! Kill it! That's the guy who took my cart!." Never get the chance to know me.

Donkey: That sounds familiar.

Shruncan: Yeah well I like to joy ride and-

Donkey: Not that part.

As they looked at the stars, Fiona's eyes can be seen watching them. When morning came, Fiona is already up working on something. She has one of Shruncan's spray cans near the fire.

Shruncan: (Yawn) I felt like I slept on a rock.

Fiona: Like wise.

Shruncan: WHAT ARE YOU DOING!

Fiona: Improving your "food".

Donkey: Did someone say food? No wait, it's just that junk.

Fiona: Was junk. By the way you used too many bug guts and tomatoes. I just did the same thing but put some strawberries, rose petals, and less bugs in, and heated it so it is actually more air like. Also, I fixed the nozzle so it has different settings.

Donkey and Shruncan drop their jaws in amazement.

Fiona: What?

Screen changes to confessional.

Fiona: During my time in that castle also gave me some time to learn cooking. I didn't like eating everything my parents sent, so I was able to improvise at certain times.

Screen changes to Donkey hungrily eating the stuff. Then it returns to the regular screen. They pass a wolf.

Wolf: You haven't seen any little girls around here have you.

Fiona: Pervert!

She then knees him in the crotch.

Wolf: Right in the little piggies.

As they walk away, Shruncan is impressed. Now, they pass a salesman with a boy.

Salesman: I'll give you these magic beans for that cow.

Boy: How do you know they are magical.

Salesman: Just trust me.

Shruncan: Okay.

He grabs them and eats one of them. He waits a second and nothing happens.

Shruncan: Nice try, but these are not magical.

Fiona: Let me try one.

One second later. At the giants castle. There is a giant is walking past the kitchen.

BOOM!

Giant: Honey, what are you making?

Giantess: Muffins.

Giant: (Sniff) You better throw them out. I think they're stale.

Back at ground level. It looks like an a-bomb struck.

Fiona: Yep, they are magical.

Shruncan doesn't know whether to throw up, scream in pain, or be even more impressed.

Donkey, Salesman, and Boy: MY EYES!

As the Fiona helps the temporarily blinded boys avoid certain hazards, they get closer and closer to Farqnoah's castle. They stop near a old windmill.

Donkey: Hey! I Think my vision is coming back. AHHHHHH! The sun, it burns!

Shruncan: Hey, there's the castle. (snicker) Donkey, someone drew on your face.

Donkey: You too.

Fiona smiles in a guilty way.

Fiona: Lets call it payback.

Donkey: Anyway, it looks like the castle is only a stone's throw a way.

Shruncan: Really?

Shruncan picks up a rock and throws it as hard as he can towards the castle.

CRASH!

Farqnoah: OW! Who threw that?

Shruncan: You were right.

Fiona: Maybe we should rest here.

Donkey: Good idea, I need to go to the little donkey's room.

The two, relieved Donkey is gone, decide to work on the fire.

Shruncan: You're a hypocrite you know that.

Fiona: What do you mean?

Shruncan: Earlier, you acted like I needed to go to boarding school, and then you go all gassy and tough. I thought princesses were supposed to be-

Fiona: Girly? Yeah, but when you live with rats, bats, and a giant dragon, manners aren't the number one priority. Also, since it's my last day before being a superficial wife, I figure I should try and have some fun before adjusting back to royalty.

Shruncan: I never thought of it that way.

Fiona: Yeah well, maybe meeting my true love won't be so bad. It will be hard to adjust though.

Shruncan: Maybe I can visit.

Fiona: You wish.

They both start to lean in.

Donkey: Did I miss anything?

Fiona and Shruncan: DONKEY!

Donkey: Nope, I think I can still watch the sun set.

Fiona: SUNSET! I better get inside. Get changed before meeting Farqnoah, you know?

As she runs quickly inside, Shruncan and Donkey look at each other puzzledly. The day turns to night and the two sit by the fireplace.

Shruncan: Cheers Donkey, to a quest done well done. We survived a dragon, a long trek, and your commentary.

Donkey: Hey!

Shruncan: Nothing can stop us now.

Suddenly, a giant muffin lands nearby.

Donkey: AHHHH! It's the muffin apocalypse.

Shruncan: No it's not, it's just a giant muffin. I'll go get it and you stay here.

Shruncan goes to fetch the giant muffin, but halfway to it, another lands right on the windmill.

Donkey: AHHHHHH! FIONA!

Donkey runs inside the wind mill. The muffin appears to not have caused significant damage.

Donkey: Princess? Are you okay? You're not changing are you?

He than takes up look just to see. He sees something in a corner.

Donkey: Princess?

He walks past a table with her bra on it. He starts smiling.

Fiona: Don't even think about it! Oops.

Donkey turns around to see an ogress wearing Fiona's clothes and crown.

Donkey: AHHHH! Monster!

Fiona: Donkey its me.

Donkey: AHHH! Me!

SLAP.

Donkey: OW! Wait a minute, Princess?

Fiona: Yes it's me.

Donkey: Oh. AHHHHHHHH!

SLAP.

Donkey: Sorry. What happened to you?

Fiona: It's a curse. Ever since I was a little girl, I turn into this thing at sun set and change back at sun rise. It can only be stopped when I kiss my true love.

Donkey: So that's why you want to marry Farqnoah?

Fiona: yeah, I know its selfish-

Donkey: Trust me, Farqnoah is more selfish. And yuo don't have to marry him.

Fiona: But who else is there? Oh no. Not Shruncan.

Donkey:Why not, you two have a lot in common.

Fiona: I can't! I mean look at me. I can't be seen with him. Princesses and ugly don't mix. It's for the best that we don't be together.

Donkey: Alright, I won't tell. But you should tell him though.

Outside of the wind mill, Shruncan is holding a giant piece of the muffin, but is so angry, that he throws it at the castle.

Farqnoah: Ow! Who keeps doing this!

Screen goes to the confessional.

Shruncan: I can't believe what she said. I thought she deserved better than Farqnoah, but now it's obvious that they belong together.

The screen backs out to Rumpelstiltchris's house.

Rumpelstiltchris: How's that for a plot twist. Will Fiona make the right decision? Will Shruncan ever learn Fiona's secret? Who gives a boy responsibility over a cow in the first place? Find out next time on Grimbros. Presents. SHRUNCAN!


	8. Wedding Crashers

The entire night, Fiona has been pondering whether or not she should tell Shruncan the truth. She has been picking off the muffin crumb by crumb and eating most of the crumbs because she missed dinner and to decide if she should tell him or not.

Fiona: I tell him. (Munch) I don't tell him. (Munch) I tell him. (Munch).

By now, the muffin is gone, and Fiona has made up hr mind.

Fiona: I tell him.

She happily runs outside, but to her horror, the sun rises and she transforms back into a human.

Fiona: Oh cr-

Shruncan: Good morning princess.

Fiona: Shruncan! I have something to tell you.

Shruncan: Well now you can tell your new husband because I got him to come pick you up early.

Behind him Farqnoah arrives on horseback with his guards and Theloni-chef.

Farqnoah: Does the road fell bumpy?

Below his horse and the guards' feet is Donkey

Fiona: Why would you do that?

Shruncan: Why do you care? I thought you didn't want ugly and princesses to be together. That's right, I heard you guys last night. Here you are your highness, your princess.

Farqnoah: Excellent, Theloni-chef help me down.

Theloni-chef starts to help his master, but Farqnoah accidently falls off.

Fiona: So Farqnoah, it's really nice to meet you. All I was given was a-

Farqnoah: Yes?

Fiona: A _short_ description of you.

Farqnoah: Though you are more beautiful than I imagined. If you were a library book I'd check you out.

Screen changes to confessional.

Shruncan; HA HA HA HA HA HA! This guy is more hopeless than Donkey.

Screen goes back to normal.

Farqnoah: Fiona, we only just met but will you be my princess bride?

Fiona: (reluctantly) I would be honored.

Farqnoah: Perfect, we can be married by tomorrow.

Fiona: NO! I mean, how about we get married today at sunset. The sooner the better.

Farqnoah: Good point, then we shall marry at sunset.

Shruncan: Ahem

Farqnoah: Oh right, here is the deed to your swamp ogre. Now leave before I change my mind. Come my beloved.

Theloni-chef gives Shruncan the deed as Fiona gets on the horse without trouble while Farqnoah makes it look like he's climbing a mountain.

Fiona: Goodbye Shruncan.

The horse starts to make a beeping noise like a car in reverse and starts to go to the castle with the soldiers. Donkey tries to stand up and runs after Shruncan.

Donkey: Shruncan, what are you doing? You can't just let her go.

Shruncan: Yes I can and you know why. I heard you and the princess talk about how we shouldn't be together.

Donkey: But buddy-

Shruncan: Also, I want to make it clear that I am not your buddy. I am not your friend, amigo, associate, or anything. Get that through your pathetic, tiny, annoying brain.

The screen changes to a confessional.

Donkey: (SOB) How could he say that? After all we've been through. After all those nice things he- (SOBS). I'll show him that I'm not a dumb, annoying Donkey. (SOBS)

Screen changes to a confessional in Farqnoah's castle. Fiona is in front with her wedding dress.

Fiona: I can't believe it's already my wedding day. I expected to be ... happier. I suppose I'll adjust to this. Is it weird to miss someone who rescued you from a castle, had little manners, and gave you away without caring?

The screen goes to Donkey who approaches a lake.

Donkey: (To reflection) Well buddy, you're my only friend.

A tear falls off his face and causes a ripple. Then, a small wave ruins the image. Next to Donkey, is Ledragona.

Ledragona and Donkey: YOU!

Donkey: This is awkward. You still mad?

Ledragona: A little. I am kinda happy to be out of that castle. Though why do you care? Last time I saw you, you were distracting me so your friend could get the princess.

Donkey: Actually, he's not my friend and what do you have to lose anyway.

Ledragona: Good point. Well after you trapped me in this "collar" I spent half a day trying to get out. Then after realizing I could leave I went out to find new ways to style up my new home; however people still are afraid of dragons, so now I can't spend my loot and now I'm lonelier than ever and its mostly your fault.

Donkey: I really am sorry, but what Shruncan said about me wrong. At first I was trying to stall you to live, but then I really got to like you and like talking with you. I'm sure other people would like you if they gave you a chance.

Ledragona: (sniff) Really?

Donkey: Yeah, but you're perfect compared to me; I envy you. When people talk to you, they would probably find you funny and interesting but when I talk, they just want me to shut up and leave. Now I see why Shruncan doesn't like me and after tricking you and messing with your feelings, I probably don't deserve to talk to you.

Ledragona: Well there is one bad thing about me.

Donkey: What?

Just then, she kissed him.

Ledragona: I keep forgiving fools who break my heart.

Donkey: And this fool is happy. Who would think the two of us would- SHRUNCAN!

Ledragona: Excuse me?

Donkey: Last night, I found out Fiona is an ogre and she is getting married to a half-pint who wants to marry her only so he can be king. Also, Shruncan might be in love with her and he thinks she doesn't like him. WE GOT TO STOP THE WEDDING!

Ledragona: Nobody messes with my princess. When does the wedding start?

Donkey: At sunset.

Ledragona: Soooo you're saying we have time?

Donkey: (realizing) Yeah, I think we can spare 5 minutes.

Ledragona: Good.

5 minutes of making out later.

Donkey: Alright let's go.

Back at Shruncan's house, he is trying to build a wall. Next to him are 3 piles made of straw, sticks, and bricks.

Shruncan: Man I can't believe these piles were just lying around.

Donkey: Need a hand?

Shruncan: Sure. AH! What are you doing here?

Donkey: Taking my half of the swamp.

Shruncan: What do you mean your half!

Donkey: I helped save the princess, I get half the swamp.

Shruncan: All you did was talk the entire time.

Donkey: Well it doesn't matter because you know I'm not afraid of you and I'm not leaving.

Shruncan: Why would you want to come here in the first place?

Donkey: Because we're friends and I ain't leaving you.

In frustration, Shruncan runs towards the outhouse and locks himself in.

Donkey: Hey get out here Shruncan.

Shruncan: Look if you want a friend go talk to Fiona.

Donkey: I can't she's about to be married to that jerk Farqnoah.

Shruncan: Good! Now she'll finally get her wish about "princesses and ugly" being together.

Donkey: Listen Shruncan, she wasn't talking about you. She was talking about- someone else.

Shruncan: Really? Well maybe we should go and ruin the wedding. AS A PRANK!

Donkey: Sure.

Shruncan: Uh Donkey, I think I'm locked in here. HELP!

He replies by kicking the outhouse, causing it to tumble down a hill. At the bottom the door opens and Shruncan crawls out.

Donkey: That's for ditching me.

Shruncan: Fair enough now how to we get there?

When Shruncan gets back up Ledragona starts to land.

Ledragona: Looking for a ride?

One trip later, the gang arrives at Farqnoah's castle.

Shruncan: Thanks for the ride and sorry about what happened at the castle.

Ledragona: No problem, just whistle if you need me.

Shruncan: Alright Donkey, you ready?

Donkey: What do you mean? We have to wait for the part where they ask if we object.

Shruncan: I can't wait that long!

Rumpelstiltschris: (off-screen) I've got it covered.

Suddenly, a remote appears and fast forwards showing Shruncan and Donkey moving really fast as they try and pass the time.

Rumpelstiltchris: Okay, that seems right.

He presses play and the inside of the church can be seen. Farqnoah and Fiona are at the front while everyone is in their seats.

Shruncan: I OBJECT!

Everyone: Huh?

Fiona: Shruncan?

Farqnoah: Ogre?

Shruncan: Princess, you can't marry Farqnoah. He only wants to marry you so he can be king.

Farqnoah: And I saved her from a dragon, she owes me!

Shruncan: She owes you nothing! Wouldn't you rather be with someone who cares about you and likes you for who you are?

Farqnoah: Oh my gosh, I don't believe this. The ogre fell in love with the princess. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Crowd: (Forced laughter)

Farqnoah: You even in the same social class as her. She belongs with me.

Fiona: You're right, but I need to be with Shruncan.

Everyone: HUH?

As the sun sets, Fiona begins to transform into an ogress. Farqnoah watches in disgust while Shruncan watches in awe.

Farqnoah: EW! I can't believe I almost married that!

Shruncan: I can't believe I almost let her go!

Donkey: I can't believe it's not butter! Sorry I couldn't resist.

Farqnoah: Well this changes things. GUARDS! Take her away and behold your new king!

Priest: Technically you're not mar-

Farqnoah: Shut it. Sorry honey but it looks we just reached "till death do you part".

Farqnoah pulls out a tiny sword and as he's about to kill Fiona when Shruncan steals a sword from a guard and blocks him.

Shruncan: Nobody hurts her.

In fury, Farqnoah charges at Shruncan, but he is stopped when Shruncan puts out his hand to prevent the little dwarf from coming closer.

Farqnoah: Grrrr. BEST MAN!

Theloni-chef shows up next to Farqnoah and steps in front of him, acting as a foot stool. Farqnoah climbs on and is at equal height as Shruncan.

Theloni-chef: I hate my life.

Farqnoah: En garde!

The two start fighting with swords clashing. Farqnoah keeps blocking Shruncan's attacks and vice versa. Theloni-chef is crawling back and forth so his master doesn't jump off by accident. However, Farqnoah succeeds in knocking the sword out of Shruncan's hands.

Farqnoah: Yes! Prepare to die ogre.

Before Farqnoah strikes, Shruncan pulls out a spray can and aims at Farqnoah's eyes. He sprays and temporarily blinds him. Then he pantses him causing Farqnoah to drop his sword so he can pull up his pants and clear his eyes. Shruncan then punches him off his "foot stool".

Fiona: Shruncan! That was amazing!

Shruncan: Not as amazing as you.

Farqnoah: GUARDS!

Guards start pouring into the room and pulling Shruncan and Fiona apart. He frees one of his hands to whistle.

FWEEEEEEETTTTT!

Suddenly, Ledragona smashes through the wall.

Farqnoah: AHHHH!

Then he gets swallowed whole. Then, the moment you've been waiting for, they kiss.

Shruncan: That was definitely worth the wait.

Fiona begins to rise up into the air and glowing so bright she blinds everyone.

Donkey: How many times do I get blinded?

As she comes back down, Shruncan catches her. He looks at her face and she is still an ogre.

Fiona: What! I thought I was going to be beautiful.

Shruncan: Well you aren't beautiful, you're even better.

Thelon-chef: I can't believe my boss just got swallowed by a dragon.

Ledragona: I can't believe my girl is in love.

Donkey: I still can't believe it's not butter.

The screen changes to Shruncan's swamp where he and Fiona are getting married.

Priest: I now pronounce you man and wife.

The two kiss as the fairy tale creatures and everyone cheer.

Shruncan: This anything like your story books?

Fiona: No, this is better.

Rumpelstiltchris: Well this is it! How will our two ogres spend their honey moon? Can a donkey and dragon really date?

Ledragona: You bet it.

Rumpelstiltchris: What I do know is that I'm Rumpelstiltchris McLean and this is Grimbros... Presents...

Guard That Shruncan hit Near the Start of the story: AHHHHHHHHH!

The guard finally lands right on top of Rumpelstiltchris.

Guard: That is not what I meant by "give it to me".

Shruncan: Hey this is a private party.

He throws the two in the outhouse, which once again falls down the hill.

Fiona: Nice job, I hate paparazzi.

The End

I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I had writing this and for those who wanted Courtney to be Fiona, I have an extra chapter where she makes an appearance. It's not over until the CIT princess sings. Figuratively speaking, or am I?


	9. CIT Version

Shruncan: CIT VERSION!

SURPRISE! To be a good sport for all the people who didn't get get Courtney to be Fiona, I'm going to do what TDI does and have an alternate version. New parts and a new scene that can only be used in the Courtney vision.

And now for what you've been waiting for... FIONA!

The screen buzzes to Fiona in her room. Fiona is a teenaged, pale girl with blue and turqoise hair. She is wearing a green dress and crown with a metal bat on top.

Fiona: Hello, my name is Fiona. Some people say I look like a "Courtney" than a Fiona but that's what you get for having royal parents. This is my post to answer some frequently asked questions. First of all, I really am a princess or for the last few years, a princess in training. Second, the reason I'm here is because I want to be here. When I was young, I always wanted the perfect stroy book life, mainly being meing rescued by my Prince Charming. I begged, screamed, and through tantrums to get my dream achieved. They granted my wish, on my 8th birthday they locked me in here so I could be rscued by my true love. I should have been more specific. Another question I have gotten tons of times is why don't you escape? Well it's because there is a FREAKING DRAGON GUARDING THE PLACE! It's harder to escape than it looks, I've been trying for years. I also would like to answer how I've kept from going crazy. Well I got a lot of hobbies like singing, day dreaming, and reading fairy tale books and educational books that my parents send every year. Last Christmas, I got an algebra book. At least I'm a smart princess unlike Cinderlindsay. I think the fumes from her cleaning appliances are affecting her. This next question is frequently asked: why don't you like the dark? Um yeah the reason is ... that.. I'm afraid of it. Yeah, it brings back memories from this place. Actually, it would scare me if I ever get out of here! That's all for now, and for anyone watching, SOMEONE SAVE ME!

Screen buzzes to room.

Fiona: (Angrily) Why do I keep posting these stupid posts. I've been waiting for my "prince" to come for years, and all of them have been barbecued. I'm never getting out of here. And I think I'm talking to myself, I really need to get out of here, but when is that going to happen. Maybe next time I'll try being like a princess in these books. It's not like my hero is going to just fall out of the sky.

Shruncan:AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

CRASH!

A creature falls through her ceiling. When the dust clears, there is a man with a helmet and sword.

Shruncan: Ow.

Fiona: (Gasp) I can't believe it worked! Which one story princess should I act like? Let's see if it works again. (Pretending) It's not like the answer will just fall out of the sky.

Just then, a loose brick falls and knocks Fiona unconscious.

BONK!

Shruncan: What was that?

He turns around to see the princess in her bed.

Shruncan: uh-oh. She's dead.

Fiona:(Murmur).

Shruncan: Never mind. Alright wake up. WAKE UP!

The princess does nothing.

Shruncan: This may take awhile. How should I wake her up? I got it!

He raises her up and starts slapping her and shaking her.

Shruncan: WAKE UP YOU DUMB PRINCESS! What else can I try?

The screen buzzes to Ledragona and Donkey.

Donkey: I always wondered why dragons guarded princesses. What's the princess like?

Ledragona: Fiona? Well she is a royal pain. Every year, she tries to escape and every time "deal" with one of her admirers, se throws a tantrum that lasts 2 days. She is never happy and is always trying new ways to escpae or annoy me.

Donkey: Really?

Ledragona: Yeah, but that's not the worst part. Oops, I wasn't supposed to mention that.

The screen changes back to Shruncan.

Shruncan: Well, I'm out of ideas. Only one thing left to do.

He slowly moves toward her face, lifts his helmet, and ... starts drawing on her face with the spray paint. He starts to draw a mustache on her.

Fiona: *Murmur*

Shruncan: Finally, she wakes up.

Fiona: Why does my head hurt?

She then sees Shruncan.

Fiona: (Gasp) Thank you brave knight for rescuing me. I am Princess Fiona, and you are?

Shruncan:Shruncan, and sorry sweetie, but we're not out yet.

Fiona: Alright, proceed brave knight.

The screen changes to the two in the stair.

Fiona: I must say, you are very courageous and heroic. How'd you beat the dragon?

Shruncan: Dragon? DONKEY!

Screen buzzes to confessional.

Shruncan: Just to make sure if Donkey blabbed, I only saved him because he knows the way home. If he could find me after being ditched in a corn field, then he can find our way home.

Screen buzzes back to Shruncan.

He looks in a hole and sees the treasure room.

Shruncan: I HIT THE JACKPOT! There's diamonds, and jewls, and ... a dragon about to eat Donkey?

Fiona: Do something!

Shruncan spots the chandelier and starts thinking of a plan. Once he has one, he starts sliding down the chain connected to the chandelier. As he reaches the bottom he grabs Donkey.

Shruncan: Got you!

Shruncan grabs Donkey, but ends up in getting smooched by Ledragona.

Shruncan: This is awkward.

Ledragona opens her eyes and is disgusted at what just happened.

Shruncan: Nice job distracting the dragon, ready to meet the princess?

Donkey: AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Shruncan: I'll take that as a yes. So long dragon.

He cuts one of the chains, but a second chandelier falls on him.

Shruncan: Wrong one.

Ledragona: You lied to me just to stall for your friend?

Shruncan: Thats the sum of it.

Shruncan this time grabs Donkey and chops the right chain. He grabs on as he and Donkey ride up while the correct chandelier lands on Ledragona, getting stuck on her neck.

Shruncan: RUN!

Rumpelstiltchris: Hold on, this chase is this is too hard to describe just imagine a Scooby-Doo chase scene.

Shruncan: Seriously man, that's just lazy.

Shaggy: Like run Scoob.

Donkey: That was weird. RUN!

As the gang runs to get to the bridge. the rope breaks and the bridge falls into the lava.

Shruncan: Well we're done for.

Ledragona uses her fire breathe to torch Shruncan as Fiona and Donkey jump out of the way.

Fiona and Donkey: SHRUNCAN!

As the smoke clears, Shruncan appears to be fine.

Shruncan: HOT!

Donkey: Why are you screaming? Your armor is okay.

TWEEEEEEET

Fiona: And what's that noise?

Shruncan lifts up his shirt and apparently all of his spray paint is boiling hot.

Screen buzzes to Donkey.

Donkey: When Shruncan got blasted by Ledragona's fire, he got protected by his armor and the hundred or so spray paint cans. However, the increased intake of heat made the cans both painful to touch but increased pressure in the cans. Translation: he was going to blow up.

Screen buzzes back to Shruncan.

Shruncan: Guys get over here.

He grabs ahold of Donkey and Fiona and uses his sword to cut off the bottom of the cans. The paint blows out so much it rockets so out like a jet pack. Before Ledragona could go after them, she got stopped by the chandelier.

Shruncan: WHOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOO!

Fiona: How do we land?

One very painful crash landing later.

Fiona: Ow. Are you okay?

Shruncan: Yeah, I landed on something soft.

He gets up and Donkey is underneath, squished.

Shruncan: Man I can barely see anything with this on.

Fiona: I would like to personally like to say to you dear knight that I- can't believe you're an ogre!

She finally sees Shruncan without his helmet.

Fiona: WHAT! NO! You can't be my hero. My hero is supposed to be human, to be a gentlemen, to look handsome. I demand you return me to the castle so I can be rescued by my prince charming!

Shruncan: GET HER!

Fiona: (Offscreen) Let me go. Do you know who I am? I AM A PIT!

1 hour later.

Shruncan is still carrying Fiona, who is still trying to resist.

Fiona: LET ME GO!LET ME GO!LET ME GO!LET ME GO!LET ME GO!LET ME GO!

2 hours later

Fiona: let me go, let me go, let me go-

5 hours later.

Fiona: Zzzzzz, let me go. Zzzzz, let me go. Zzzzz, let me go.

After an hour of being carried by Shruncan, Fiona eventually gave up and got bored.

Donkey: Are we there yet?

Shruncan: No.

Donkey: Are we there yet?

Shruncan: NO!

Donkey: Are we there yet?

Shruncan: If you ask one more time, I am going to throw you over that cliff.

Silence.

Fiona: Are we there yet?

Shruncan: Grrrrr.

Fiona: (chuckle) Can we stop now?

Shruncan: No, we're going to keep going so just enjoy the sunset and-

Fiona: SUNSET! We have to stop now!

Shruncan: No way.

Fiona: But it's dangerous at night.

Shruncan: I'm more dangerous.

Fiona: I need my beauty sleep.

Shruncan: I think you got enough sleep at the castle.

Fiona: If we stop here, Donkey might stop asking if we're there yet.

Shruncan: Maybe we should stop for the night.

Screen buzzes to confessional.

Shruncan: Okay, so far that Fiona is starting to get on my nerves. I should have expected a princess to be this way. Bossy, controlling, hot. I mean hot-tempered. Yeah that's what I meant.

Screen changes to Donkey. He is trying to comb his hair and pick some gross stuff out of his teeth.

Donkey: Now I look good.

Screen buzzes to the cliff. Fiona is putting rocks together to build a hut.

Shruncan: Look, even in the outdoors she's trying to decorate.

Fiona: I'm building a room. Unlike you, I like my privacy.

Shruncan: Enjoy your rocks.

Fiona: Enjoy your farts.

The sun starts to set and the guys are sitting around the fire.

Donkey: What do you think is up there?

Shruncan: Stars you idiot.

Donkey: Yeah but do ever if there's anything else?

Shruncan: yeah, more stars.

Donkey: Never mind.

Shruncan: Well what do you think is up there?

Donkey: Aliens, other planets.

Shruncan: Nerd.

Donkey: Did you know that those stars are actually big balls of flaming gas.

Shruncan: So is this.

He farts near the fire place and it acts like a flame thrower.

Donkey: Ew, gross.

Shruncan: Do I get to name it?

Donkey: Let's stop talking about that. What do you think of the princess.

Shruncan: Kind of annoying. All she does is complain. "Let me go, you're gross, don't pick your ears" it's annoying.

Donkey: What are you going to do after she is delivered to Farqnoah?

Shruncan: Get my swamp back, build a wall around it, scare people, the usual.

Donkey: Why a wall?

Shruncan: To make sure that no one bothers me and judges me.

Donkey: What about your friends?

Shruncan: Don't worry, my friends will be there.

Donkey: Who are they?

Shruncan: Me, Myself, and I.

Donkey:Why don't you like people?

Shruncan: Because they think I'm a freak. One look at me and it's "AHHHHH! Kill it! That's the guy who took my cart!." Never get the chance to know me.

Donkey: That sounds familiar.

Shruncan: Yeah well I like to joy ride and-

Donkey: Not that part.

As they looked at the stars, Fiona's eyes can be seen watching them. Meanwhile, back at Farqnoah's castle, the tiny ruler is admiring the photo of Fiona.

Farqnoah: Man I can't wait to meet her. Is there anything I should know about her to get on her good side?

Mirror: Well, it says on her Mirrorbook page she likes singing.

Farqnoah: well I better brush up then. The sooner I get on her good side and marry her, I'll finally be king.

(I saw Shrek: The Musical when I thought of this and thought it would be perfect for the Courtney version). Music starts playing to the Lion King's "I Just Can't Wait To Be King". Everyone who talks during this is singing.

Farqnoah: I going to be a mighty king! The best one of them all!

Mirror: Well I've, never seen a king quite so uh tall.

Farqnoah: I'm gonna the best king! The greatest king yet!

Mirror: Honestly, you're the size of a chia-pet!

DJingie: Why must be forced to hear you sing?

Farqnoah: Oh I just can't wait to be king!

Back at the cliff.

Shruncan: No more "Stop that!".

Donkey: No more "Stop her!".

Shruncan: No more " Ew gross,

stop picking your ears!"

Donkey: Once married she'll be out of our hair.

Shruncan: We'll be lucky if she's killed by bears.

Fiona: This isn't how I thought my future would turn to be.

It's been 8 years and I'm still cursed with this travesty.

I wanted my story to end just like in these books!

Now I'm out but still have these green looks!

This Farqnoah seems to be my only chance.

Cause that ogre's vile and smells like underpants!

Now my dream is to get away from Mr. Mean.

Oh I just can't wait to be queen!

Meanwhile at the dungeon. Farqnoah arrives in front of shackled prisoners.

Farqnoah: Everybody look here.

Okay now here's the thing.

I want your opinion,

How's my singing?

Prisoners: It STINKS.

We like the old torturing,

You're ripping this song from the LION KIFarNG!

Farqnoah: Oh I just can't wait to be King!

Shruncan: Oh I just can't wait for her to be queen!

Fiona: Oh I just can't wait to be queen!

Farqnoah, Shruncan, and Fiona: Oh I just can't waaaaiiiiiitttttt-

Djingie: To not hear you SIIINNNNNGGGGGG!

Music stops and Farqnoah glares angrily at him.

Djingie: Sorry, I got caught up in the song.

In the morning, the gang resumes the trek to the castle. Along the way, they pass a wolf.

Wolf: You haven't seen any little girls around here have you.

Fiona: Pervert!

She then knees him in the crotch.

Wolf: Right in the little piggies.

As they walk away, Shruncan is impressed. Now, they pass a salesman with a boy.

Salesman: I'll give you these magic beans for that cow.

Boy: How do you know they are magical.

Salesman: Just trust me.

Shruncan: Okay.

He grabs them and eats one of them. He waits a second and nothing happens.

Shruncan: Nice try, but these are not magical.

Fiona: Let me try one.

One second later. At the giants castle. There is a giant is walking past the kitchen.

BOOM!

Giant: Honey, what are you making?

Giantess: Muffins.

Giant: (Sniff) You better throw them out. I think they're stale.

Back at ground level. It looks like an a-bomb struck.

Fiona: Yep, they are magical.

Shruncan doesn't know whether to throw up, scream in pain, or be even more impressed.

Donkey, Salesman, and Boy: MY EYES!

As the Fiona helps the temporarily blinded boys avoid certain hazards, they get closer and closer to Farqnoah's castle. They stop near a old windmill.

Donkey: Hey! I Think my vision is coming back. AHHHHHH! The sun, it burns!

Shruncan: Hey, there's the castle. (snicker) Donkey, someone drew on your face.

Donkey: You too.

Fiona smiles in a guilty way.

Fiona: Lets call it payback.

Donkey: Anyway, it looks like the castle is only a stone's throw a way.

Shruncan: Really?

Shruncan picks up a rock and throws it as hard as he can towards the castle.

CRASH!

Farqnoah: OW! Who threw that?

Shruncan: You were right.

Fiona: Maybe we should rest here.

Donkey: Good idea, I need to go to the little donkey's room.

The two, relieved Donkey is gone, decide to work on the fire.

Shruncan: You're a hypocrite you know that.

Fiona: What do you mean?

Shruncan: Earlier, you acted like I needed to go to boarding school, and then you go all gassy and tough. I thought princesses were supposed to be-

Fiona: Girly? Yeah, but when your dream is to be a princess wanting her happily ever after, you change. Also, since it's my last day before being a superficial wife, I figure I should try and have some fun before adjusting back to royalty.

Shruncan: I never thought of it that way.

Fiona: Yeah well, maybe meeting my true love won't be so bad. It will be hard to adjust though.

Shruncan: Maybe I can visit.

Fiona: You wish.

They both start to lean in.

Donkey: Did I miss anything?

Fiona and Shruncan: DONKEY!

Donkey: Nope, I think I can still watch the sun set.

Fiona: SUNSET! I better get inside. Get changed before meeting Farqnoah, you know?

As she runs quickly inside, Shruncan and Donkey look at each other puzzledly. The day turns to night and the two sit by the fireplace.

Shruncan: Cheers Donkey, to a quest done well done. We survived a dragon, a long trek, and your commentary.

Donkey: Hey!

Shruncan: Nothing can stop us now.

Suddenly, a giant muffin lands nearby.

Donkey: AHHHH! It's the muffin apocalypse.

Shruncan: No it's not, it's just a giant muffin. I'll go get it and you stay here.

Shruncan goes to fetch the giant muffin, but halfway to it, another lands right on the windmill.

Donkey: AHHHHHH! FIONA!

Donkey runs inside the wind mill. The muffin appears to not have caused significant damage.

Donkey: Princess? Are you okay? You're not changing are you?

He than takes up look just to see. He sees something in a corner.

Donkey: Princess?

He walks past a table with her bra on it. He starts smiling.

Fiona: Don't even think about it! Oops.

Donkey turns around to see an ogress wearing Fiona's clothes and crown.

Donkey: AHHHH! Monster!

Fiona: Donkey its me.

Donkey: AHHH! Me!

SLAP.

Donkey: OW! Wait a minute, Princess?

Fiona: Yes it's me.

Donkey: Oh. AHHHHHHHH!

SLAP.

Donkey: Sorry. What happened to you?

Fiona: It's a curse. Ever since I was a little girl, I turn into this thing at sun set and change back at sun rise. It can only be stopped when I kiss my true love.

Donkey: So that's why you want to marry Farqnoah?

Fiona: yeah, I know its selfish-

Donkey: Trust me, Farqnoah is more selfish. And yuo don't have to marry him.

Fiona: But who else is there? Oh no. Not Shruncan.

Donkey:Why not, you two have a lot in common.

Fiona: I can't! I mean look at me. I can't be seen with him. Princesses and ugly don't mix. It's for the best that we don't be together.

Donkey: Alright, I won't tell. But you should tell him though.

Outside of the wind mill, Shruncan is holding a giant piece of the muffin, but is so angry, that he throws it at the castle.

Farqnoah: Ow! Who keeps doing this!

Screen goes to the confessional.

Shruncan: I can't believe what she said. I thought she deserved better than Farqnoah, but now it's obvious that they belong together.

The entire night, Fiona has been pondering whether or not she should tell Shruncan the truth. She has been picking off the muffin crumb by crumb and eating most of the crumbs because she missed dinner and to decide if she should tell him or not.

Fiona: I tell him. (Munch) I don't tell him. (Munch) I tell him. (Munch).

By now, the muffin is gone, and Fiona has made up hr mind.

Fiona: I tell him.

She happily runs outside, but to her horror, the sun rises and she transforms back into a human.

Fiona: Oh cr-

Shruncan: Good morning princess.

Fiona: Shruncan! I have something to tell you.

Shruncan: Well know you can tell your new husband because I got him to come pick you up early.

Behind him Farqnoah arrives on horseback with his guards and Theloni-chef.

Farqnoah: Does the road fell bumpy?

Below his horse and the guards' feet is Donkey

Fiona: Why would you do that?

Shruncan: Why do you care? I thought you didn't want ugly and princesses to be together. That's right, I heard you guys least night.

Shruncan: Here you are your highness, your princess.

Farqnoah: Excellent, Theloni-chef help me down.

Theloni-chef starts to help his master, but Farqnoah accidently falls off.

Fiona: So Farqnoah, it's really nice to meet you. All I was given was a-

Farqnoah: Yes?

Fiona: A _short_ description of you.

Farqnoah: Though you are more beautiful than I imagined. If you were a library book I'd check you out.

Screen changes to confessional.

Shruncan; HA HA HA HA HA HA! This guy is more hopeless than Donkey.

Screen goes back to normal.

Farqnoah: Fiona, we only just met but will you be my princess bride?

Fiona: (reluctantly) I would be honored.

Farqnoah: Perfect, we can be married by tomorrow.

Fiona: NO! I mean, how about we get married today at sunset. The sooner the better.

Farqnoah: Good point, then we shall marry at sunset.

Shruncan: Ahem

Farqnoah: Oh right, here is the deed to your swamp, ogre. Now leave before I change my mind. Come my beloved.

Theloni-chef gives Shruncan the deed as Fiona gets on the horse without trouble while Farqnoah makes it look like he's climbing a mountain.

Fiona: Goodbye Shruncan.

The horse starts to make a beeping noise like a car in reverse and starts to go to the castle with the soldiers. Donkey tries to stand up and runs after Shruncan.

Donkey: Shruncan, what are you doing? You can't just let her go.

Shruncan: Yes I can and you know why. I heard you and the princess talk about how we shouldn't be together.

Donkey: But buddy-

Shruncan: Also, I want to make it clear that I am not your buddy. I am not your friend, amigo, associate, or anything. Get that through your pathetic, tiny, annoying brain.

The screen changes to a confessional.

Donkey: (SOB) How could he say that? After all we've been through. After all those nice things he- (SOBS). I'll show him that I'm not a dumb, annoying Donkey. (SOBS)

Screen changes to a confessional in Farqnoah's castle. Fiona is in front with her wedding dress.

Fiona: I can't believe it's already my wedding day. I expected be ... happier. I suppose I'll adjust to this. Is it weird to miss someone who rescued you from a castle, had little manners, and gave you away without caring?

The screen goes to Donkey who approaches a lake.

Donkey: (To reflection) Well buddy, you're my only friend.

A tear falls off his face and causes a ripple. Then, a small wave ruins the image. Next to Donkey, is Ledragona.

Ledragona and Donkey: YOU!

Donkey: This is awkward. You still mad?

Ledragona: A little. I am kinda happy to be out of that castle. Though why do you care? Last time I saw you, you were distracting me so your friend could get the princess.

Donkey: Actually, he's not my friend and what do you have to lose anyway.

Ledragona: Good point. Well after you trapped me in this "collar" I spent half a day trying to get out. Then after realizing I could leave I went out to find new ways to style up my new home; however people still are afraid of dragons, so now I can't spend my loot and now I'm lonelier than ever and its mostly your fault.

Donkey: I really am sorry, but what Shruncan said about me wrong. At first I was trying to stall you to live, but then I really got to like you and like talking with you. I'm sure other people would like you if they gave you a chance.

Ledragona: (sniff) Really?

Donkey: Yeah, but you're perfect compared to me; I envy you. When people talk to you, they would probably find you fun and interesting but when I talk, they just want me to shut up and leave. Now I see why Shruncan doesn't like me and after tricking you and messing with your feeling, I probably don't deserve to talk to you.

Ledragona: Well there is one bad thing about me.

Donkey: What?

Just then, she kissed him.

Ledragona: I keep forgiving fools who break my heart.

Donkey: And this fool is happy. Who would think the two of us would- SHRUNCAN!

Ledragona: Excuse me?

Donkey: Last night, I found out Fiona is an ogre and is getting married to a half-pint who wants to marry her only so he can be king. Also, Shruncan might be in love with her and thinks she doesn't like him. WE GOT TO STOP THE WEDDING!

Ledragona: Nobody messes with my princess. When does the wedding start?

Donkey: At sunset.

Ledragona: Soooo you're saying we have time?

Donkey: (realizing) Yeah, I think we can spare 5 minutes.

Ledragona: Good.

5 minutes of making out later.

Donkey: Alright let's go.

Back at Shruncan's house, he is trying to build a wall. Next to him are 3 piles made of straw, sticks, and bricks.

Shruncan: Man I can't believe these piles were just lying around.

Donkey: Need a hand?

Shruncan: Sure. AH! What are you doing here?

Donkey: Taking my half of the swamp.

Shruncan: What do you mean your half!

Donkey: I helped save the princess, I get half the swamp.

Shruncan: All you did was talk the entire time.

Donkey: Well it doesn't matter because you know I'm not afraid of you and I'm not leaving.

Shruncan: Why would you want to come here in the first place?

Donkey: Because we're friends and I ain't leaving you.

In frustration, Shruncan runs towards the outhouse and locks himself in.

Donkey: Hey get out here Shruncan.

Shruncan: Look if you want a friend go talk to Fiona.

Donkey: I can't she's about to be married to that jerk Farqnoah.

Shruncan: Good! Now she'll finally get her wish about "princesses and ugly" being together.

Donkey: Listen Shruncan, she wasn't talking about you. She was talking about- someone else.

Shruncan: Really? Well maybe we should go and ruin the wedding. AS A PRANK!

Donkey: Sure.

Shruncan: Uh Donkey, I think I'm locked in here. HELP!

He replies by kicking the outhouse, causing it to tumble down a hill. At the bottom the door opens and Shruncan crawls out.

Donkey: That's for ditching me.

Shruncan: Fair enough now how to we get there?

When Shruncan gets back up Ledragona starts to land.

Ledragona: Looking for a ride?

One trip later, the gang arrives at Farqnoah's castle.

Shruncan: Thanks for the ride and sorry about what happened at the castle.

Ledragona: No problem, just whistle if you need me.

Shruncan: Alright Donkey, you ready?

Donkey: What do you mean? We have to wait for the part where they ask if we object.

Shruncan: I can't wait that long!

Rumpelstiltschris: (off-screen) I've got it covered.

Suddenly, a remote appears and fast forwards showing Shruncan and Donkey moving really fast as they try and pass the time.

Rumpelstiltchris: Okay, that seems right.

He presses play and the inside of the church can be seen. Farqnoah and Fiona are at the front while everyone is in their seats.

Shruncan: I OBJECT!

Everyone: Huh?

Fiona: Shruncan?

Farqnoah: Ogre?

Shruncan: Princess, you can't marry Farqnoah. He only wants to marry you so he can be king.

Farqnoah: And I saved her from a dragon, she owes me!

Shruncan: She owes you nothing! Wouldn't you rather be with someone who cares about you and likes you for who you are?

Farqnoah: Oh my gosh, I don't believe this. The ogre fell in love with the princess. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Crowd: (Forced laughter)

Farqnoah: You even in the same social class as her. She belongs with me.

Fiona: You're right, but I need to be with Shruncan.

Everyone: HUH?

As the sun sets, Fiona begins to transform into an ogress. Farqnoah watches in disgust while Shruncan watches in awe.

Farqnoah: EW! I can't believe I almost married that!

Shruncan: I can't believe I almost let her go!

Donkey: I can't believe it's not butter! Sorry I couldn't resist.

Farqnoah: Well this changes things. GUARDS! Take her away and behold your new king!

Priest: Technically you're not mar-

Farqnoah: Shut it. Sorry honey but it looks we just reached "till death do you part".

Farqnoah pulls out a tiny sword and as he's about to kill Fiona when Shruncan steals a sword from a guard and blocks him.

Shruncan: Nobody hurts her.

In fury, Farqnoah charges at Shruncan, but he is stopped when Shruncan puts out his hand to prevent the little dwarf from coming closer.

Farqnoah: Grrrr. BEST MAN!

Theloni-chef shows up next to Farqnoah and steps in front of him, acting as a foot stool. Farqnoah climbs on and is at equal height as Shruncan.

Theloni-chef: I hate my life.

Farqnoah: En garde!

The two start fighting with swords clashing. Farqnoah keeps blocking Shruncan's attacks and vice versa. Theloni-chef is crawling back and forth so his master doesn't jump off by accident. However, Farqnoah succeeds in knocking the sword out of Shruncan's hands.

Farqnoah: Yes! Prepare to die ogre.

Before Farqnoah strikes, Shruncan pulls out a spray can and aims at Farqnoah's eyes. He sprays and temporarily blinds him. Then he pantses him causing Farqnoah to drop his sword so he can pull up his pants and clear his eyes. Shruncan then punches him off his "foot stool".

Fiona: Shruncan! That was amazing!

Shruncan: Not as amazing as you.

Then, the moment you've been waiting for, they kiss.

Shruncan: That was definitely worth the wait.

Fiona begins to rise up into the air and glowing so bright she blinds everyone.

Donkey: How many times do I get blinded?

As she comes back down, Shruncan catches her. He looks at her face and she is still an ogre.

Fiona: What! I thought I was going to be beautiful.

Shruncan: Well you aren't beautiful, you're even better.

Thelon-chef: I can't believe my boss just got swallowed by a dragon.

Ledragona: I can't believe my little girl is in love.

Donkey: I still can't believe it's not butter.

The screen changes to Shruncan's swamp where he and Fiona are getting married.

Priest: I now pronounce you man and wife.

The two kiss as the fairy tale creatures and everyone cheer.

Shruncan: This anything like your story books?

Fiona: No, but it will do.

Rumpelstiltchris: Well this is it! How will our two ogres spend their honey moon? Can a donkey and dragon really date?

Ledragona: You bet it.

Rumpelstiltchris: What I do know is that I'm Rumpelstiltchris McLean and this is Grimbros... Presents...

Guard That Shruncan hit Near the Start of the story: AHHHHHHHHH!

The guard finally lands right on top of Rumpelstiltchris.

Guard: That is not what I meant by "give it to me".

Shruncan: Hey this is a private party.

He throws the two in the outhouse, which once again falls down the hill.

Fiona: Nice job, I hate paparazzi.

The End

I hope you enjoyed this alternate ending and look out for my other stories. If you have any ideas for any more parodies or who should be who pleas post. Still on the fence whether or not I should do Shruncan 2. Please review and check out the poll on my profile for my next big project.


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